In this episode, we discuss a common block that writers face wondering what others, especially family and friends, will think when they read their book. Is the memoir too honest? Is the romance too steamy? What should be taken into consideration when writing your book.
Connect with us! Schedule a coffee chat with Elizabeth or Stephanie!
Join our email list for first to know information about weekly podcast episodes, writing aids, and upcoming offers!
To get more information about joining our Inspired Writer Collective or Read Like A Writer book club, click here.
If you prefer video versions of the podcast or want to leave a comment on this specific episode, you can locate all of them here on our YouTube channel.
In this episode, we discuss a common block that writers face wondering what others, especially family and friends, will think when they read their book. Is the memoir too honest? Is the romance too steamy? What should be taken into consideration when writing your book.
Connect with us! Schedule a coffee chat with Elizabeth or Stephanie!
Join our email list for first to know information about weekly podcast episodes, writing aids, and upcoming offers!
To get more information about joining our Inspired Writer Collective or Read Like A Writer book club, click here.
If you prefer video versions of the podcast or want to leave a comment on this specific episode, you can locate all of them here on our YouTube channel.
Welcome fellow writers to the Inspired Writer Collective podcast, your go to hub for all things writing. We're your hosts, Elizabeth and Stephanie. Whether you're a seasoned wordsmith or just dipping your quill into the ink well of creativity, we're absolutely thrilled to have you with us. Drawing from our experience in publishing diverse writing genres and the daily grind of showing up for yourself, we're here to be your writing companions. Expect insightful discussions, expert tips, and a dash of inspiration as we navigate the twists and turns of the writing journey together. So whether you're listening on your commute, during your writing session, or just relaxing at home, get ready for an immersive experience that celebrates the art and joy of writing. Hi,
Elizabeth:Good morning, listeners. I'm here with Stephanie again, and we just want to start off this episode by letting you know that we have coffee chats available. These are Casual zoom conversations where you can meet with either myself or stephanie and just chat about writing Chat about what you're working on chat about Any struggles you're having in your process? This is our way of connecting directly with you And we're dying to meet some of you because we see the downloads, we see all of that, and we just, we want to know your story. And so if you're wanting to have a chat with us, you'll find the link for that in the description. Today though, what we want to talk about is one of the main blocks that I hear people talking about. In writing their memoir and also stephanie's going to add some insight for how it can affect the fiction writers as well but it's the concept of What are people gonna think particularly those that are close to you? like How is my mom going to appreciate how I represent her in my memoir? What are my kids going to think when they read this later on? That tends to be a really big mental block in a writer's willingness to share their story in a way that feels authentic.
Stephanie:Yeah, it's one of the things that I've been struggling with, with my writing recently, with contemporary romance, with respect to level of steam that I'm putting into my novel. And there's a wide spectrum of that. Everything from, if you have YA romance, that's low steam, generally more friendship based relationships happening and then it can go all the way up and in contemporary romance, it doesn't go all the way up to the level of, say, erotica level. That's, That's a whole different genre in and of itself. But I've been wrestling with it because of thinking about conversations I've had with my own teenagers and trying to figure out at what level Do I want to write, do I want to allow for some steam? Because that was my first original thought, because I want to have that sense of empowerment for women and their experience with their partners, or do I keep it closer to a kind of fade to black? There's the reference to it, but there's not really the detailed description that can come in to the books. So it's definitely been something that I've been wrestling with. Because of course, in our culture, talking about sex is so, you know, depending upon the communities you're in and circles you run in, not everybody is going to sit around and talk about it. And which has been also an interesting experience in the romance book club that I've been going to when I've been in Columbia, Missouri, when, We've been reading some books that have been, had pretty high steam. A couple of them, the steam was pretty high and it was just interesting. The range in ages in the room where the younger say college age students seemed much more comfortable with the discussion around it, whereas as you went higher up in the age range and thinking about my own growing up experience, that it wasn't something that. My friends and I would sit around and have conversations about or talk about the books we were reading. And I was just sharing before we started recording, you know, I was kind of the generation of, you know, sweet valley high and not exactly the best representations for relationships. And so I've been wrestling with it just because I feel like I want to tell stories that show more positive relationships because in my own life I've grown into more positive relationships for myself and I feel like there's an aspect of that being a gift to the reader from the story that I want to tell. So, yeah, so it's been something I've been wrestling with. How about you, Elizabeth? Because I know in memoir, there's definitely a lot that can be wrestled with as well with how you represent people in your life.
Elizabeth:So as a not avid contemporary romance reader What is even in just a general sense if there's not like an accepted definition, but what is the definition of that between? The young adult versus a low steam in a contemporary romance meant for adults versus something, like, I see the little, like, peppers, like how authors will list a certain number of peppers to give the number of, the amount of spice. Are there certain, like, benchmarks for that? Or is it more subjective? Have
Stephanie:You know, I, I don't know that I have a very clear definition of it because sometimes I feel like it's a matter of opinion with respect to level of steam, but certainly in why a, there's less emphasis on describing every aspect of a sexual encounter. There might be characters who have sex, but it's. Sort of that fade to black where there's some kissing and then, you know, sort of the closing of the bedroom door. And in YA, more so in the current, you know, more contemporary books, there's definitely more discussion around consent usage of protection. There's a lot more level of respect between the characters, I would say. I mean, I just think Books that I read growing up that were less about that. There was maybe some, but it ended up being more that the satisfaction was on the part of the male, you know, the boy and not the girl. And so and. So that's where that comes in a little bit. I would say as you
Elizabeth:you read, have you read Tessa Bailey? I've heard her being described as high steam, but I haven't read any of her stuff. I watched a An interview which was really interesting recently and I did share that link within our community If you're a community member, you can you can go back and watch that interview And she I says that she's aware that she you know has spicier sex scenes And but that she always makes sure that it's happening for the purpose of furthering the plot Like she makes sure to include some like utterance or vulnerability or you know revealing of a secret that like gives the scene more purpose than just, you know, just for sex.
Stephanie:well, her books are great. I would definitely say like, if you want to have some spicy ness in your romance, her books are great and they're not driven. Her books are not driven by that aspect of the book. not driven by the fact that the characters are having sex and you have this description of it, you know, of, You know, real intimacy and connection between the characters and it's very, you know, empowering for the woman in the bedroom. I mean, there's just very much of that there where and, you know, where the, and the male characters are very thoughtful, respectful. There is, as you just said, a furthering of the story that it's not just, You know, having sex for the sake of it. There's definitely, it's an aspect of the relationship building, the intimacy between the characters. Yes, her books, I would say in terms of, if you want higher esteem, I would definitely recommend her as an author to read. I think she does a really great job with her, You know, story development around that, you know, it's not, it's not a book that you would say like, oh, you know, you're only going to be reading about. sex scenes. There's so much more depth to her books than that.
Elizabeth:So are then her scenes just more descriptive than what you would find in a book that would be categorized as low steam?
Stephanie:Yes. Yes. Yeah. There's definitely more, you know, description with respect to anatomy and just, The way the characters touch each other, the way they feel, and so, you know, and it's, it's kind of sort of the slow flow of, as if you were to sit and describe, you know, a sex scene happening in a movie where you just, you know, describe all levels of the nudity and the, what they're recognizing in each other's bodies and how they're touching. Each other and where they're touching each other. And so, yeah, and it, and it definitely you know, lends itself to much more steam and depending upon your level of comfort, you know, you may or may not, you know, want your teenager to read it, but at the same time, there is an aspect of if you're comfortable with it. You know, it's a good model for an appropriate relationship and relationship building around that. Because I don't think as a culture, we spend enough time talking about how important that is in a relationship. And allowing for that to be something that is important and that they're, and to eliminate the power dynamic, which is what is nice about a lot of contemporary romance across the spectrum of steam levels, I feel is that I feel the books don't, at least the ones I've read have not had that power dynamic. If anything, the female character has been stronger. confident, secure in her sexuality, which I think is important because I don't think girls and women get enough of that in our culture about the fact that they're deserving of having that for themselves. And I, I think it's important.
Elizabeth:It's interesting because it seems like as we're discussing this that basically the steam spectrum has to do with Essentially level of disclosure, which is very similar in that regard when you break it down that way to what the memoir writer is also trying to control for in sharing, you know, past experiences that, you know, may be vulnerable or difficult to talk about. There's a whole range of level of disclosure. that you can add into your writing. So there's the, you know, allude to something, which would be like the YA equivalent of what you were describing. There's the just brief description without much detail so that the reader does clearly know what happened, but without the like particulars. And then there's the more Fully described experience and the emotions behind it, the feelings of it, the environment and you could take almost, you know, any sort of past trauma and put it, you know, somewhere on that scale. If you didn't want to talk about, you know, the way that your dog died, you could just say, suddenly allude to the fact that Your heart was broken and your pet wasn't there to greet you at the end of the day when you came home from work Or you could give a brief description of how your pet died or you could give the more detailed like visit to the vet where you're making the decision to put them down and the feelings that are washing over you and You know the the visions of their you know life leaving their body And there's that whole range of, you know, disclosure, I guess, and detail that you could impart to something that you, as the writer, maintain control of, as far as how much detail that you want to give, what level of comfort you have. Well, that might be easier decision when we're talking about a pet dying. Versus, you know, a past sexual assault, you know, that, that you as the, the writer get to decide where you're comfortable with sharing, what level you're comfortable writing on, and that can be changed throughout the editing process. I can imagine that it's fairly simple to increase or decrease your steam within a romance novel as you go through the editing. If you don't Do decide, oh, I do actually want to write something a little bit steamier or oh, I do want this to be Something that I wouldn't worry about my teenage kids picking up or asking me about And I think the same can be true with memoir writing I definitely encourage at the beginning even if it's in a journal and not within the manuscript to write the full fledged You know, that full steam, that full disclosure, because I just think it's so important for the processing of the experience, at least as a memoir writer, and then take out the parts that you don't feel comfortable sharing. But, but a lot of times we need to get into that space to. Be back in that memory in order to pick out the important details that the reader does really need to know whether that's just the feelings or the like resulting impressions post experience.
Stephanie:Well, there's definitely an aspect on both of those levels of allowing yourself to sit with the discomfort of thinking, well, you know, I'm not sure. I mean, when I'm thinking about romance, I would think, Hmm, I don't know if I want my grandmother to pick this up, but then at the same time, I'm thinking, well, maybe I would want my grandmother to pick this up because it's a whole new world out there in terms of what's happening and, and the same thing with, with You talking about memoir is at first you're sitting in the discomfort of your story, but then maybe when you go back to it, you realize this is what I need to tell this is what helped me learn the most, or this is what helped me grow the most. And so it's important for my reader to read this pivotal story in my life because. It changed something in me. And so, yeah, I think that that's a great point about, you know, wrestling with this aspect of what am I going to put into my story? How much of myself am I going to put into it? Because the same thing, even in fiction, there's so much in fiction that can be true to life too, and true to your own life experiences. I've listened to several interviews by different authors who talk about that, that so much of their book is actually related to things that are very personal to them, you know, things that they care about and so, or things that have happened to them, and it just happens that they're writing fiction and that's how they tell the story. And so there's That same piece because even within my romance, I'm also going to be wrestling with grief and that's, that's a huge piece for me having lost my mom almost 10 years ago now unexpectedly, which causes a great amount of grief at various It's stages of even from my daily life. I mean, it's been 10 years, but it's still very palpable. The grief is still very much there. And so all of those pieces and thinking about, you know, how much am I going to put in and All of, you know, personal experience, personal reflection into any one of my characters in that regard. So I'm sure it must be similar for you too, as you think about your stories that you're including in your memoir.
Elizabeth:It's so true. And you just bring up such a key point and it goes back to understanding like what your core message is for the reader. Yeah. There's some level of discomfort potentially with the level of disclosure that That may come back on you as the writer, but ultimately you have a certain message that you're trying to Share with the reader in hopes that it helps It helps them feel seen and helps, you know, maybe them with their struggle in a similar area as you. And so if you go into more detail about that body shaming experience that you had, maybe that helps normalize something or helps someone else feel less alone in their own experience if they can relate to that. And so in. In that way, sometimes leaning more into the full experience of what you went through can really lend itself to the core message to your reader, as long as that experience is, you know, fundamental to that message.
Stephanie:Absolutely. I think you raise a great point there about being very clear about what are you wanting your reader to take away from. Your book, when they're finished, what is it that you want them to be talking about when they've been, and, you know, have them recommend it to somebody else and say, Hey, you know, I know you went through a similar experience or, Hey, like, this is really going to resonate with you. I think you would love this story and making sure that that's. A part of your process as you're going through it. And I think that interestingly enough, there are similarities between figuring that out with fiction as there are with memoir. It's just the context and, you know, characters are different. But trying to figure that out. And I'm still in a place where I'm figuring that out as I'm going. It's, I think it's okay to sit with that and sometimes it doesn't happen right away. I was going back to my manuscript yesterday, and I have these first two chapters that I've written, but then I'm thinking, no, I think I'm going to start on chapter three and because there's more clarity. Around where my message is going and what I'm trying to convey between the characters. And so I think that that's an important thing to think about as a writer is, Are you telling the story in the way that you want to, want to tell it? And, Going back to, you know, what are you including that's relevant and what's there that's maybe not as important to furthering your message.
Elizabeth:Yeah, I see that as like the fundamental starting point for writing memoir is figuring out what that core message is. You know, the memoirs that I read that kind of leave me disappointed are the ones where, you You know, they're trying to cover too much, you know, like the message is just too broad and it is just sort of all over the place and so you You don't get to you don't aren't able to clearly see how This relates to the bigger picture, or when memoirs stay very surface level. And that's just because I, both in my day to day life and my conversations with other people, I just prefer to be to engage in just deeper conversations where we're talking about the feelings and the emotions. So, If I'm going to read something like a travel memoir, then I really am going to want something that's more like wild, where Cheryl Stray digs into the emotions and the feelings and things behind it versus a travel memoir where it's more about the sightseeing and the process and, you know, the trip itself. I'm always looking for just deeper understanding of the character, whether that's a real person or a fictional person
Stephanie:Well, and I think that that relates to, to what I'm working on with contemporary romance too, because as I read reviews that other readers give to the books, that it's the connections with the characters in the books. That are often what draw them in the most to the story. And I think that that's true with memoir, too, is being drawn into feeling like the person whose story you're reading is like having a conversation with a friend and Getting to learn more about them.
Elizabeth:for sure. And I know we're both working on putting together courses that bring those focuses to the forefront because we do feel very strongly that that's what's going to create the strong foundation for The kind of book, whether a memoir or fiction that people are going to recommend to their best friend as a must read, you know, as something that they really resonate with. And, and that's the kind of marketing I hope to have for my book, you know, where it's just someone who resonates so strongly with the message that they can't help, but share it with other people. And so that's why. I really want to help people come up with what their core message is. I struggled to find mine at the beginning of writing my memoir and I've talked about, you know, the initial process and how insufficient it was for supporting the writing of a memoir versus you know, like a self help or other nonfiction writing. It, it just takes a different level of, of messaging. It's not just a, a how to. It's a why. And that can be a lot harder to tap into and really distill down to.
Stephanie:Exactly. I think as we know, listener that having people pick up your book and then hand it to somebody else, that social proof is one of the best ways to get the word out. And as Elizabeth mentioned at the beginning, we are having coffee chats. And offering those to you. And we'd love to sit and have a conversation with you, just like we've had today. If you've been listening to our podcast for a while, our podcasting style is very much like what a coffee chat would be with us, where we can talk about anything, whatever's on your mind. Bring it to us. We'd love to meet you. We'd love to have conversations and learn more about you.
Thank you so much for tuning in to another episode of the Inspired Writer Collective podcast. We hope you found inspiration, insights, and connection to yourself as a writer. If you enjoyed this episode, please share, subscribe, and leave us a five star review. Remember, the power of storytelling lies within each of us, and by supporting one another, we can make a difference. We invite you to schedule a coffee chat with us on our website, www. inspiredwritercollective. com. Just like our style here on the podcast, our coffee chats are casual and a way to connect about your writing and discover if book coaching or joining our upcoming writing cohorts for memoir and contemporary romance writing are for you. You can also become a part of our community by connecting with us on social media. You can find us on Instagram and YouTube at Inspired Writer Collective, on TikTok at Inspired Writer LLC. Let's continue this writing journey together. You can find links in the show notes. Until next time, fellow writers, may your pens be mighty and your stories captivating. Happy writing!