[GUEST] Episode 16: A conversation with Ashleigh Sinclaire, author of the mother monologues, exploring creativity, emotions, and the writing process

We're excited to welcome Ashleigh Sinclaire, author and performer of The Mother Monologues, to the Inspired Writer Collective podcast. Ashleigh shares about her journey with her mother, who lived with her during the last years of her life, and how that experience became a gift for her creative process. Through the process of writing The Mother Monologues, Ashleigh discovered a path to healing and she shares this process through her mentoring of women. This episode explores self-care, the possibility of transformation through the creative process, and touches upon inspiration from the mother-daughter dynamic. If you're interested in connecting with Ashleigh Sinclaire, you can do so on her website: themothermonologues.com

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Transcript

0:01

Welcome fellow writers to the Inspired Writer Collective podcast, your go to hub for all things writing. We're your hosts, Elizabeth and Stephanie. Whether you're a seasoned wordsmith or just dipping your quill into the ink well of creativity, we're absolutely thrilled to have you with us. Drawing from our experience in publishing diverse writing genres and the daily grind of showing up for yourself, we're here to be your writing companions. Expect insightful discussions, expert tips, and a dash of inspiration as we navigate the twists and turns of the writing journey together. So whether you're listening on your commute, during your writing session, or just relaxing at home, get ready for an immersive experience that celebrates the art and joy of writing.

Elizabeth: 0:50

Good morning, writers! Today is a special day because we have our very first guest episode. Today I have Ashley Sinclair with us on the podcast, and Stephanie and I are gonna take some time to chat with her today about her one woman show, which is essentially a live memoir, and it is called The Mother Monologues, A Love Story. And it is about Ashley's time during the last four years of her mother's life living with her and the experiences she had, the growth and the healing that have come out of that. And she has since taken that to the stage in her one woman show and has even turned it into an entire coaching practice to help guide other people through that process. With their own history. So Ashley, welcome. Please give us a little bit about you and your background, whether you'd written anything before this, and what inspired you to write this one woman show and to do it as a one woman show.

Ashleigh Sinclaire: 1:54

Yeah, thank you. Well, thank you for having me here today. What inspired me, I'll start there first, is because of this journey I had with my mother. I did not know she was going to live with me the last years of her life. And I had been on my healing journey for 30 years. And thought I had done a lot of work and I laugh at that now, wow. Now I say to people, you think you've done some work? your parent live with you. And, and I called that time excruciating to extraordinary and I continue to like reap the gifts and it keeps on revealing things. It keeps, keeps on going. So, it was after that, after my mom had passed, that I was and grieving and. And I asked myself, like, why has this been so profound? And I realized, well, because our moms are our first relationship, period, our first experience of love. Our, therefore our first experience of perceived separation. And so that's why I understood why it just had affected me, everything that occurred on a cellular level. And as I was getting through the grieving process and started feeling again, which was my clue and sign like, Oh, I'm I'm, I'm recovering and I'm more resourced because now creative energy is coming in. It just was very obvious that I had to write about this. And some of it I had written during the years and I just would sit on my living room floor and let it come through because I realized. Everything that her and I had gone through, arc of our relationship. I didn't go through all of that just for me. I just didn't feel like it was just for my growth. And now, and this will be one of my points, that I have digested lot of this experience. I am compelled to share it. it's everyone else's story now.

Elizabeth: 4:23

That is spoken like a true memoirist, which is why I totally understand why you have told me before in previous conversations that you equate this to a live memoir. Cause that urgency and that feeling like the story is just bigger than you and your experience is what compels, I love that you use that word, what compels us as memoir writers to write our stories.

Ashleigh Sinclaire: 4:48

Yeah. Thank you. you.

Elizabeth: 4:53

So did you find it difficult at all in the process to decide what portions of this experience you wanted to share? Were there certain things that you chose to keep personal for whatever reasons? I know that I asked that specifically because I know a lot of people who have a story they want to share may feel nervous about certain portions of it, about how that will be perceived, about whether that really belongs as someone else's story. How did you navigate any of that?

Ashleigh Sinclaire: 5:25

Oh, beautiful questions. I first, my process was with this project, I broke it down into three areas who my mother was before she even met my dad, then our dynamic. So growing up and I initially just. Purged everything, like get it all out. And then the last section was the last years of our, life with me together. And so that's a lot of material and we all come with a lot of material. And then I keep asking myself for the sake of what am I sharing this? Cause some of it was just for my own healing. Some of it is because some in it. And again, like you're, you pointed out, it goes beyond me, just me and my process. Is this valuable? Will this be helpful? And what do I think? Cause you never really know what the impact is going to be, but you can explore that a little bit because yes, there are going to be in any given point. Pieces that you can imagine are going to be hard for people and you can't caretake everybody.

Elizabeth: 7:06

Oh, God, yes.

Ashleigh Sinclaire: 7:10

So you, again, it just keeps coming back to, I would keep coming back to my intuition about it, my kind of motive in, in, in a high motive way. Right. And is this relevant? So that's what I say. Cause I help people craft their stories is, is it essential and relevant? To what you want to be conveying and I use my body a lot because I've in the 30 years I've gotten very attuned to listening to my body. And when I would ask these questions and sit with these questions. Is it relevant? Is it essential for the overall arc of this whole messaging? I would see what would happen with my body. Did I contract? Did I expand? Did fear come up? And all of that's really good information to then also look into.

Elizabeth: 8:25

How did any, like, early responses to either an early version of the show or when you shared it potentially with peers prior to putting it on the stage, how did those responses either Allow you and inform additional edits or additions or a slightly different emphasis What in the feedback did you take in and how did that change anything if at all?

Ashleigh Sinclaire: 8:54

Mm. Great question. Cause I did do that, like early versions. It was like half a dozen friends in my living room. And I also gave some thought to telling them what kind of feedback I wanted.

Elizabeth: 9:11

beautiful

Ashleigh Sinclaire: 9:12

Cause in my very first show, like six, eight years ago or whatever, I didn't. And I had four very loving friends, but they were just throwing all sorts of feedback at me. And I was, it was intense and I learned, Oh, you have to give people feedback, specific feedback. What do you want to receive in what way? they were all, it was all heartfelt, but it was. So I would ask for specific, like, was, is there too many details here? Is this too extraneous? Do I talk too much about something? Do you lose attention? Do you lose engagement? where, and I would take, I would take everybody's points and then again, see where they were coming from. And then again, intuition in my body of, do I want to adjust the manuscript? Or do I not,

Elizabeth: 10:25

Yeah, I think that's such an important point ashley of like When we ask for feedback, when we ask for critique, we have to be so specific about what we're looking for, and then you just can't absorb all of it. You do have to look at, okay, well that person's asking for this because that's what they, in particular, want out of it, but that doesn't necessarily mean that that best serves the entirety of the piece or the broader audience. And so, that's, that's so much wisdom that you Utilized along with this process of writing. And I think that's something that all of us as writers, emerging writers have to cultivate is that confidence and wisdom and Touch pointer intuition, however, that shows up, you know, for you, it's very embodied for other people. It might be through they sense is like external messaging. And I think that's very cool. I wonder if you would take a minute to share because you shared with me a little bit offline. About the, the responses you're getting from your audience because I think that just shows the strength of your story in the memoir. so after a performance and how you have people come up to you and what they reflect back on and what they say to you.

Ashleigh Sinclaire: 11:47

yeah, what I repeatedly see, and it is so deeply felt by me and brings me so much joy is as they're approaching, I can see it and feel, see it and feel it as they're approaching me. And then when they come up we speak for a little while, it is such heartfelt gratitude. For me, bringing and naming things within the mother daughter dynamic. And that's my fuel. That is literally my fuel to continue to share it. And I want to share it in a big way. And it's not about me and my show. It's I just feel like I'm a voice piece for the teachings and the messages that are within this show, which will also be a book one day. Because I'll often say. Also, I'm already looking like my perspective around my mother is already different just because the show is a 45 minute show. And then we have a conversation like a group conversation of what was most alive and what was most impactful. Or do you have a question? Cause I drop a lot of stuff and I don't give, every single detail. Like that's another thing in the editing process. oftentimes. As we know, less is more, don't, don't explain everything.

Stephanie: 13:29

Do you find that people are able to put themselves in your story as themselves because of leaving out the details that that's where you're allowed, you're able to make that connection with your audience.

Ashleigh Sinclaire: 13:43

yes, and it's a both end, but I think that with the details leaving out and then the things that I do name, right? Because people are there, they're emotional, they're laughing. I can see them that they're like reflecting. It's because we all have mothers, right? Like, and, and then just not even just having a mother and anyone's written authentic we're always going to see different aspects of ourselves in it, in, in them. That's the power of it. And then we get to do and digest and inquire within however we're going to do that. Right. But there's always these little like jewels and nuggets. That get dropped.

Elizabeth: 14:36

Ashley, how often do you perform this show? And where is that done and in what other ways can people interact with, with your performance?

Ashleigh Sinclaire: 14:50

Yeah. Thank you. I generally do it like once every three months and right now it's primarily in an intimate setting. So I call it living room salon style because in a living room you're more comfortable and cozy and it's an intimate experience. And so I like that I want it to go bigger. So I've done it in venues it just has a slightly different tone to it. And I want it to go large. So one way is if you have a nice living room, you invite your friends and family and we have a show and I also produce them as well. So I just, you know, you know, invite general public people on my list, et cetera.

Elizabeth: 15:52

That's cool to think we could have like a pop up performance of like, you know, just providing the living room, providing the audience and then bring Ashley in and have you perform. That's, that's really cool concept of like reaching more people. And I know you spoke of some bigger plans that at some point you want to record. of these performances.

Ashleigh Sinclaire: 16:17

I want to record it and post it on YouTube so that it goes viral. Cause I want the, the, again, I'm like, I'm just the driver of, of, of this. And I want to inspire or what was told is I want to inspire a million hearts.

Elizabeth: 16:37

It's so cool. You'll have to absolutely let us know when you get to that point because we want to make sure we share that with our audience. I know they're going to resonate with a lot of of this conversation is a particular moment. within the one woman show that you would like to sort of highlight right now and just give the podcast listeners a little snippet of the types of conversations that you have or the sort of dynamics that you bring up.

Ashleigh Sinclaire: 17:10

Yeah. There's one moment that happened with my mom and I. That I looked at her one day, she was sitting in her bed and I looked at her and said, You should have never have had children. And I said that with all sincerity, there was no, I won't go there. So what happened was she looked at me like this piercing, like as if she was piercing, seeing me because she could feel like I was truly seeing her. And she grew up in a generation where you either became a wife and mother or a spinster, like those are the choices for women. Right. And she had four kids. for a while, she was an incredible mother. And so anyway, so I say this to her and so she looks at me like, who are that? You can see me. And then she, her brain must've told her I'm her daughter. And then she was like, oh gosh, but she could see I had no anger or resentment. And we just stood there, two women, just. Being with each other in, in this truth that you almost would say like, well, you shouldn't speak that right. But it was just two female human beings. And I say this and it's in the show of it was the most enlightening moment I had with my mother.

Elizabeth: 19:03

That's so beautiful and it just speaks to what you said earlier about stating the things, the words. That number of us might experience at any given point, but be too afraid to say for ourselves, and that hearing you give life to those words and hearing you vocalize what other people may feel like should just be internal thoughts, there's just so much power and healing in being able to say those things. And I also actually just love the way that you emphasize over and over again that this story is not just about you and the performances are not just about you and the you want to grow this platform are not about you because I think so many people think that others will perceive them wanting to share their story as self serving, as egotistical, as idiosyncratic. Selfish, when really, in actuality, it is the most thing I think almost anyone can do to make themselves so vulnerable, so open to criticism. But still doing it anyways, because they know that their message can positively impact the way other people view themselves, view their mothers, view their past experiences, and I just think that's such a gift that you're giving to other people.

Ashleigh Sinclaire: 20:52

No, thank you. Thank you. You know, what was arising as you're speaking is to make explicit some things that are implicit. But to know why you're doing it, and again, it just goes back to why do I feel. It's important to share this really knowing your motives, your agenda, because some of it could be just for your own healing that does not get shared out, but it's because it's a whole process. It's a process. When I first started practicing the show in front of others, said, there still could be some emotional content here for me. That's going to arise. If that happens, I'm going to give myself the moment and then I'll continue. And everyone was of course, of course, so I share that to say, if either, if it's you're doing a show or you're writing something, a lot of it is just your internal healing process. So you don't have to share everything out there, but again, it's like being really true and integrous with yourself, with your heart and your soul of why I'm sharing this so important.

Elizabeth: 22:26

The truths you're speaking today are just directly applicable to, like, that memoir writing process. I've had that same experience where it's like some of the stories that I've Written down. I had to write down, but they've already been cut from the manuscript. They don't really belong there. But I still had to write them. I still had to relive them in order to see why this experience earlier in life with, you know, being groomed online by this older man then impacted the way I feel around men in my adult life and why not very trusting and I don't feel particularly safe and it's like I couldn't Implant those feelings into the later story that's in the book If I didn't first dig into them in an earlier story That will never appear in the book

Ashleigh Sinclaire: 23:22

Yeah.

Elizabeth: 23:23

that's what you're speaking to here. Ashley

Ashleigh Sinclaire: 23:26

And, and it's also, and again, that's why I call it a process of what I call digest metabolize. The wounds, the pain, the traumas, the frozen energy that hopefully gets melted. In this process of called writing, right? You're just kind of getting out on paper stuff that's living and is alive in you. And it's the, the process of it out, feeling the emotions so that that does turn into wisdom. And that does turn into joy and love and delight and spaciousness, which allows more creativity, more creative flow, more trusting, more being able to listen. Right. Cause I, I see sometimes people, cause there's this whole trend of tell your story, tell your story. And everybody thinks they should do it like now because they're on a webinar and, and someone's selling a coaching package around their story or their whatever, your story in your. Well, webinar, oftentimes it's too soon, so be patient. And what I call divine timing, right? Like again, it's again, for me, it's just been that listening, that like creative impulse that comes through. You can't deny it.

Elizabeth: 25:11

Stephanie I think you can relate to that sentiment. I know we've talked before on some episodes about and it's really about your own process and thoughts about any sort of future memoir and why it doesn't feel like. It's that time yet. Mm

Stephanie: 25:28

Yeah, I had started

Elizabeth: 25:29

hmm.

Stephanie: 25:31

but it's just, I'm just not ready for putting the stories out there and I don't know if I'll ever be but I do know that there's a lot that's part of the process to get through it. And I was actually curious, Ashley, if you can speak to how you took care of yourself through this process of writing. This story that was so impactful for you with your relationship with your mother and because there is the process and there's, there are all those moments, but how did you take care? You said you were on a healing journey for 30 years prior to all this. So how did you continue to care for yourself and nurture yourself to walk through this?

Ashleigh Sinclaire: 26:18

Yeah. Good questions. Ladies. Well, so at 30 years old, I. I learned what even self care was, I started learning what balance was balance for me is not 50, 50 balance is very dynamic, right? But I didn't have balance. run. I just pushed. That was my row. That was my rhythm push. And when you, when you drop, cause you're so exhausted, that's when you go to sleep. was my work. So I'm very grateful for learning. you know, and that was definitely a journey of like listening and balance and how much, and if I get tired, rest. my thing is rest I even get tired. Like that I learned. In the four years, because then when I had my mom and I didn't know it was going to be four years, I was thinking I was in for a year. For me, it was like, I've worked so hard on self care and taking good care of this vehicle that this was not going to bring, bring me down. I worked too hard. And so that was just a commitment I made to myself. I'm going to continue all my self care of, you know, bathing and nature and essential oils and water and proper nutrition, and just contemplative time, just sitting and staring. It's one of my favorite things to do because that's also part of the creative process as right, as we all know, sometimes you're just sitting there and nothing is happening. But things are happening. just not demonstrative, right to really, really understand that and know that because sometimes creative. You know, when you said time for the creativity and the writing, you might not ever pick up your pen. Right. But that just quiet listening time is so, so powerful. It's like, it's like the mulch for what is going to come out maybe a week from now. And so was that commitment to myself of just continuing all the self care things. Going to hot springs a big go to for me. And because I also made the commitment to my mother with myself, to treat her with kindness, compassion, respect, and patience, no matter what she threw at me and the really startling thing was I realized in, in the grieving process. I thought I was doing that for her. I was. But it was my elixir, and so now I treat myself more kindness, compassion, respect, and patience.

Elizabeth: 29:29

We talk about, like, taking care of our inner child, and it's almost like you tapped into, like, this whole separate inner mother, you know, and, like, using those things, same things, like, you know, you get all the advice of, like, Well, talk to yourself like you would talk to a toddler and use it and then, and you're basically equating it like talk to yourself, treat yourself like you would treat your ailing mother who's living with you, you know, and end of life, you know, and then use those same principles, that compassion, that patience on yourself.

Ashleigh Sinclaire: 29:58

Yeah. Yeah.

Elizabeth: 30:02

What external supports did you turn to during this process? And I ask this specifically because in my memoir writing journey, because of the Traumatic events that have happened in the past are challenging events. I've Relied a lot on individual therapy, but also various writing groups and other external support. So I'm curious what, if you utilized any of that or anything different or how you navigated that.

Ashleigh Sinclaire: 30:31

Yeah. Kept a small circle of friends close because I knew I couldn't have a larger network maintaining it. And I chose people that I laughed with. So laughter was definitely One. Personal self care of. Massage regularly, other cranial, sacral energy and the hot springs. Those were my main go tos along with just continuing my, what I learned through somatic therapy and, you know, energy medicine and other ancient wisdom traditions that I've been a, a student of for decades keeping all of those things alive and active. In me as well.

Elizabeth: 31:35

And what is it that you're doing now going forward with your own coaching offerings? What is, how is it that you show up for others to help them through their own processes?

Ashleigh Sinclaire: 31:47

Yeah. It's what I've, what I notice has, that happens because they're really, and I, I don't say this to brag. It's every session is really powerful and it blows me away because I've, you know, I've been coaching for 30 years. And sessions, and it took me a minute to realize like, what is happening? Cause I mean, both would feel like, really powerful. Like I'm different, and again, the gratitude, it took me a little a moment to recognize that everything that I have been through and have metabolized and navigated through is here. It comes with. So there's this incredible like field. Of, of trust, if I were to really simplify it, trust and acceptance because I've not just this, but there's, there's been a lot of, and I laugh with it, but there's been a lot of traumas and dramas. It's in this lifetime and walking through all of it, facing all of it, and then metabolizing all of it is here, which creates, and I don't think about, Oh, I'm creating this trust field or this acceptance field. It just is there. And that then allows, you know, my clients to just really drop in because they feel held. Just from the, the mother, like that energy just comes and we might have, you know, yes, unique story points within our relationship with our mothers. And there's a lot of similar themes that we just move through.

Elizabeth: 34:14

Yeah, very true. Very true. Well, I, I think, I think this discussion today is really gonna touch some people. I mean, like you said, we all, we all have mothers. listeners, we're going to include all of Ashley's links in the show description so you can connect with her in any way that you feel led through her website, through social media, or whatever else. So before, as we get ready to close out this episode, I want to give Stephanie a chance to answer any last, or ask any last lingering questions, and then Ashley will give you a chance at the very end to say anything else that you feel led to share with this audience.

Stephanie: 35:00

I don't have any other questions right now. Actually, I just have really enjoyed this conversation with you, Ashley. Today. Your energy is very connecting and I hope our listeners have felt that in the same way that we have today sitting here with you and hearing your process and your story. So thank you so much for being with us today. It's really been a joy to speak with you.

Ashleigh Sinclaire: 35:27

Oh, thank you. I've really enjoyed it too. And I would say. I would leave everybody with your creative your writing process. Is unique to you. So be patient with it, create it the way it works for you. There's, there's lots of suggestions out there and yes, try them on and then find what works because for me, sometimes something would just drop into me a realization, driving my car, shopping, what have you, would just jot it down. And then like keep a pile of them. And then other times it would be, okay, I'm going to sit here and see what comes through. And what I have found, I'd be here. I'd be curious to hear from you guys. had found both with practicing my show and writing 20 minutes. Like I've got to give myself 20 minutes of just. No judgment just sit there practice the show and it not hit that groovy place. Right. But after 20 minutes, it's like a sweet spot. Right. And so just the, the bottom line is. You are designing your creative process for yourself, and it's gonna be slightly different for everybody. And listen, but then listen to what yours is and be patient and wait for that Right. Timing.

Elizabeth: 37:16

Absolutely. I can definitely agree with, like, around that 15 20 minute mark. It's part of the reason why Stephanie and I have designed our time to write sessions as 40 minutes of writing. Because we know most, some of the time, some of those days, you're showing up because you know you want to show up for yourself, but it can take a little while to really get centered and really feel like you want to say are flowing or the ideas are coming to you or whatever else. Because we have so much of real life happening all the time and it can take a little while to just really get settled into that place.

Ashleigh Sinclaire: 37:55

Exactly.

Stephanie: 37:57

Oh, absolutely. I have to give myself that beginning time to also not edit myself at every step and just allow myself to just flow with the writing and let it spill out onto the page, and I'm always laughing with fiction because my characters take things in directions I'm not always expecting, which is also true. fun in this new creative avenue that I'm exploring with writing fiction. And so it takes some time to get back into that space for me. So I can definitely relate to what you're sharing.

Ashleigh Sinclaire: 38:35

Yeah. And, and one last thing to, in the, in the editing process is I will write and be emer immersed, then I'll take two, three days, whatever it is, not even thinking about it. Like just separate myself so that when I come back, it's, I'm in a fresh mind, like I'm reading it for the first time. Like I don't even know what's there because then you can so easily pick off what's extraneous, what's too much, what word doesn't need to be there. Yeah. So my freebie is just to connect with me because as a friend said to me, this is relational work because it is, it's about relationships and what, what I teach with, like, through the experience with my mom and the teachings through the show and in the coaching, the mentoring is. It applies to any relationship, but the mother relationship is so profound to use that as a lens. So we just get on a discovery call. So that's a freebie. And then the offer promo that I have through April, cause April is my birthday month. So for March and April is. A succession package that generally is 1200 and for these two months, I'm offering it, gifting it at 600 and we decide, yeah, we decided to determine in the discovery call again, is this right timing? Is this the best next right step for you with me at this time? Even if it's just one conversation, cause we, we discover determine, are there blocks and I always give a little experience and some tips of what you can do to get a flavor and a taste of, of what the work is.

Elizabeth: 40:34

I'm so glad you're saying all this. This is validating everything that Stephanie and I have been telling people about the writing process and how to go through the process. So I love that a similar thing has worked for you. Listener, if you know someone who would really benefit from hearing Ashley's message, please send this podcast episode to them, your comments, like give us a review and we look to forward to connecting with you again soon.

41:10

Thank you so much for tuning in to another episode of the Inspired Writer Collective podcast. We hope you found inspiration, insights, and connection to yourself as a writer. If you enjoyed this episode, please share, subscribe, and leave us a five star review. Remember, the power of storytelling lies within each of us, and by supporting one another, we can make a difference. We invite you to schedule a coffee chat with us on our website, www. inspiredwritercollective. com. Just like our style here on the podcast, our coffee chats are casual and a way to connect about your writing and discover if book coaching or joining our upcoming writing cohorts for memoir and contemporary romance writing are for you. You can also become a part of our community by connecting with us on social media. You can find us on Instagram and YouTube at Inspired Writer Collective, on TikTok at Inspired Writer LLC. Let's continue this writing journey together. You can find links in the show notes. Until next time, fellow writers, may your pens be mighty and your stories captivating. Happy writing!