Episode 20: Regaining perspective on your writing when life throws curve balls

In this episode, Elizabeth and I talk about how to regain perspective when life throws you curve balls. It all started with Spring Break with our kiddos and some unexpected life events that made it feel like progress on our writing was slow. But, we discuss different ways we've found to reframe our experiences and focus them towards our writing. There's a lot that can be pulled from life into your writing. We also discuss the huge benefits of journaling to stay on track. Even if that's the only writing you get done in a day, it's still writing and you never know what nuggets of wisdom can make their way into your manuscript.

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Transcript

0:01

Welcome fellow writers to the Inspired Writer Collective podcast, your go to hub for all things writing. We're your hosts, Elizabeth and Stephanie. Whether you're a seasoned wordsmith or just dipping your quill into the ink well of creativity, we're absolutely thrilled to have you with us. Drawing from our experience in publishing diverse writing genres and the daily grind of showing up for yourself, we're here to be your writing companions. Expect insightful discussions, expert tips, and a dash of inspiration as we navigate the twists and turns of the writing journey together. So whether you're listening on your commute, during your writing session, or just relaxing at home, get ready for an immersive experience that celebrates the art and joy of writing. Hi,

Elizabeth: 0:50

Hey, Stephanie. How are you?

Stephanie: 0:53

Good. How are you, Elizabeth?

Elizabeth: 0:56

I'm doing pretty well. My memoir course launched today. Well, it launched this week, but we had our first live meeting today. So that was really exciting to get that, you know, off the ground and have those first initial. Connections with the two participants I have in the course right now. So I just feel super excited to be sharing all this, you know, knowledge that I've accumulated through my long process, all my pitfalls and, you know, sidetracks and detours. And it's been really fun to be able to share that knowledge and see those light bulb moments go off for other people. That's always been something in any sort of teacher role or mentor role. Or when I was tutoring, like, I just love getting to see those moments. When people like when something sparks.

Stephanie: 1:45

That's so exciting. And I'm so excited for you that you launched that course. I know that there's. a lot of work that you've put into that and you were just sharing that, you know, you just saw these, you know, the excitement and the participants and the aha moments of realizing that in fact you are saving them time and you are saving them, you know, a lot of stress in the manner that you're approaching the teaching of the course. So that's, that's great. And I know that we're also talking about how it brings for us this look at how you're approaching your writing, the perspective that you're bringing to your own writing practice and how you feel about where you are. And I know I was talking, sharing about how there've been some life events late that have impacted my writing. traditional schedule of how I want to get my writing done. I've had to shift some of my for how I'm thinking about my own writing. That these roadblocks or life events are actually not getting in the way, but serving as moments and inspiration actually writing. And I, I think you mentioned that too for yourself earlier this week with memoir.

Elizabeth: 3:15

Yeah, for sure. I mean, you had just told me a few weeks ago that April was gonna be your month where you were like, getting back to your manuscript and, and taking some more carved out time to flesh out stuff, and then you get hit with an outside event that means you suddenly have to travel when you weren't expecting to, and you don't have much freedom of your time or space, and have other things you have to do, but it's so cool. I think it speaks to your abilities as a writer to quickly flip and see that as opportunities to do research due to the relevancy of life experiences to the types of things that you want to address within your book. I think that's so insightful. That's essentially, you know, memoir is that at its core, you know, you're researching your own life and mining your own life and always, you know, At least now that I've been writing the memoir, like, I'm always looking at my life through two lenses. Like, there's that very present, visceral feeling, right? And then I very quickly jump into my writer mind of, Oh, this makes sense. And this could be framed as this kind of moment. And I see how this goes with the storyline. Or this triggers some other thought that provides a new perspective. I, you know, have had some perspective shifts as life continues to happen and had a momentary freakout. I guess it was last week where I thought I was gonna have to like, totally rework the memoir one, one more time. But ultimately settled down from that and, The memoir course that I have actually put together has helped really ground me in the process. And while I did have or do have an issue with too many, too many set up stories before reaching sort of the catalyst and momentum of the message. And so there is going to have to be some shift and some cuts. It's not the drastic upheaval that I was panicked about maybe like two weeks ago.

Stephanie: 5:24

Well, and that also speaks to just sort of the power of stepping back from your writing a little bit and Again, you know, another approach to perspective is taking that time to step back. You were focusing on something else, getting the memoir course going and just coming back to it with a new lens, but also allowing yourself the space to learn from all the work you were doing. And, and while my. Work is not specifically memoir. It's amazing how much everyday life and events and observations can inform perspectives for the book that I'm writing. So grief is going to be one of the core. Experiences amongst, you know, that connects my characters. while I've had plenty of my own experiences with it, it's been a pivotal piece right now in my world. And been fascinating to observe all of the different responses to it. And then the humorous moments that you, you know, things that you don't expect to happen that. inform what you're writing. And, you know, I think it's just amazing how, again, for me, even stepping back and thinking like, Oh my goodness, I don't have pages and pages of my manuscript written, but I do have pages and pages of other stuff written. That's going to help my, my manuscript in ways that. think I might've thought of before because I was basing some of my thoughts on past experiences of my own and just looking at like, okay, you know, I've had this disruption, but wow, it has been humorous. It has been interesting. just looking at it from a different lens and rather than beating myself up and thinking like, Oh, I'm not making progress, I really am making progress. And I think that's so important as a writer is to not allow yourself to be, you know, stopped by things that happen and think like, Oh my gosh, my entire routine has been disrupted. And Oh no, there goes my manuscript. Like it's not going to get written when in fact it's being written in real time, just not in exactly the way that you planned.

Elizabeth: 7:50

Oh, exactly. I mean, we both took some time away from writing and business endeavors when our kids had spring break. And you spent it at the ski slopes, and I know you weren't skiing the whole time, you were also taking some time to make those observations because there is a good portion of your story that focuses around a ski instructor and a ski resort town and what's so interesting about You know fiction and I think what makes it Honestly, probably a little bit more complicated Is you have more than one character you have to develop right? Like you have more than one person that has to respond to a certain, you know inciting incident, right? Whereas Memoir, yes, you have other characters, but you really only care about the development and the story arc of the central you know author which is the you know, the one point of view the one narrator and You Yeah, that's definitely a challenge. Like, if you put, like, a scene in your fiction novel that focuses around, like, a death or grief, Then you have to show the variety of ways in which people may respond to that, or you know, when you write about, you know, going skiing, not everyone's going to have your approach to skiing, which is what you know, and how, you know, what you know to write, but having those observations of, how does this person react? How does that person react? I think that's so important when you're having to write from so many Diverse perspectives to create a really dynamic world that feels real.

Stephanie: 9:28

Well, and I think it speaks to the value, too, of taking time, with fiction, putting yourself in the places and in the experiences that are maybe outside of what your own experiences are. And I mean, sure, I've spent time. Plenty of time at the ski slopes, but it's different when I'm there through the lens of, Oh, I'm going to really pay attention to what are people talking about? What are people doing? What are, cause usually I go and I'm just doing my own thing and I'm not paying attention, but I think really using that, you know, writer sort of detective. Approach to different experiences and using it in a way that informs, know, your story and your writing and I, and probably in the same way with memoir of allowing yourself the space to, you know, sit with a memory, maybe go back to a place where you had a memory. And allowing yourself to see it through that lens to, you know, to add more to your story and your writing.

Elizabeth: 10:46

Oh, exactly. I remember you texting me that you had fallen, had taken a pretty good tumble during one of your early days skiing. And, and you switched into that rider mind soon after, like, okay, now that I know I'm okay, let me figure out how, you know, what were the elements of this that I would need to capture, you know, within the narrative. You know, who's going to stop and help this person who fell down? How long is that going to take? What are the internal thoughts and fears and doubts and concerns that are running through the character's mind, you know, and like putting yourself in that place as you know, as that character. And as far as like having that and maintaining that perspective or memoir, that's where I feel like journaling is so key. I continue to go back to my journals because. Life continues to evolve. I continue to evolve as a person, and therefore my perspective continues to shift and memory is faulty as hell. I mean, there have been so many times I've been confronted with what I have, you know, rooted in my understanding in my mind as a memory. something that's like infallible. And I know this is how it happened. And then I looked back at my journal from that time and I wrote something different. So at some point, and I don't believe I was lying in my journal, you know, but at some point I like washed over what was happening. I maybe looked back and with, you know, more recent events, made it out to be much worse than it was back then. Or maybe I applied some sort of, Rose tinted glasses to especially times like early motherhood where you're really in the trenches and you just have to survive. And that's where, I mean, absolutely. I encourage people to journal. If you ever want to write a memoir, I wish I had kept my journals from, gosh, I've journaled for most of my life, and at various points I've, I've thrown them away whether it was. Under the guise of like, screw that relationship. I'm angry and burn it to the ground. Or, you know, I'm ready to move on from this. Let me release this and let me just, you know, let it go. Or I've moved for the, you know, 50th time and I don't want to drag these things around again, but now I really wish I had kept some of that because I am curious about at least certain key moments, how I felt. And it would be nice to have those. Things to reference back to which is why I'm so intentional about my like almost daily journaling now especially any moment that I get in my writer mind and recognizes Oh, this could be a key moment and this perspective may be one that shifts once I get some more information So let me capture this current feeling of panic Before I resolve it, before I know what the outcome is, because I'm going to want to capitalize on that in my writing. And it's going to be hard to retrace my steps and get back into that moment of uncertainty once I know how it ends. Once I know how it, you know, gets resolved.

Stephanie: 13:56

Well, and I think that you bring up a really great point just about the power of journaling. Because even for me right now, Is just, you know, taking out my phone and writing down, you know, as in the moment of the conversations that I'm overhearing the actions that people are taking, you know, writing down that language in, in the moment as it's happening, or even just after it's happened, because sometimes when you're in the moment, you can come up with to describe it, that you might not think about it. And I, I think that journaling, I agree with you is such a powerful way to, you know, get your ideas down, whether you ever touch it again or not, it's such a good way to, you know, track your experiences and your feelings and your thoughts and the, and the raw emotions that are right there in the moment of what you're, Experiencing because, yeah, the mind can be, you know, wonky and it's ways that it remembers things or doesn't quite remember things or alters things, maybe to protect you in different ways, you know, when to, you know, to keep you safe, because that's essentially, you know, You know, your brain is often attempting to, you know, keep you safe or your body is, know, wanting to keep you safe. And so I think that to be able to have it written down to go back to, because I know, especially when I think about, you know, busy days or busy moments, or especially if you're in the throes of heavy emotions, that it can be so easy. To forget things or forget details and so to have that as a, as a reference point, because no matter where you are, I mean, we all can forget things. We're all, you know, as human beings, we're, we're not always going to remember. Every single detail and, you know, just as much, you know, I mean, memoir, you want to write it, try to remember as much as you're able to. And the same with fiction is there are people who are reading your books who have experiences. you want the way that you write it to be believable. You don't want people to think like, Oh, this person has never had this experience. you know, if you've had the experience, you want to be able to write about it in a way that's you know, real and believable. Cause I know just in following conversations, especially in, you know, contemporary romance circles that, you know, people really pay attention to the ways that characters are responding to things or what they're doing or not doing. Okay. And you want your readers to connect with the characters in a way where they feel like they're their, you know, book boyfriend or their best friend or whatever it might be, because that's what keeps people coming back to, know, your books. And in the same way, You know, with your memoir is creating a connection with your readers that's, real and authentic.

Elizabeth: 17:10

Absolutely. And, you know, to go back to your point about the way that we, our memory like serves to protect ourselves. I was confronted with one of those that I'm happy to share for the benefit of everyone to understand is I was looking back in my old journals. Of the time where Rachel and I were dating, she had moved in, and I don't remember at all when we got engaged, I don't even remember what time of year it was but it was sort of a like spur of the moment conversation sort of thing, and so I wondered, you know, did we fall into this You know kind of routine or or Society given like steps like that was just the next step that you do as a couple and Was there a feeling of? Having found the one For either of us prior to that or did we just kind of like? Follow the course and that was just the next step on the course and I couldn't remember And I didn't really have a strong sense that, you know, we felt totally destined, although I know we were very close, and there was a lot of love there, but then the last, I was looking through the journals, and the last entry I put, because then I have a big, like, void of time but the last entry I put, it was one where I was reflecting back on a conversation that she and I had had about, you know, recognizing each other as like, Oh, I think you're the love of my life and that sort of thing. Now, it makes sense to be logically that my memory doesn't necessarily want to remember that because then that makes me vulnerable going forward. If I don't have a, like, way to pinpoint, you know, where was the downfall? Where was You know, the, where were the blinders on? What was the red flag I missed? What was, you know, any of that, then I'm vulnerable to the same outcome and that's terrifying, right? So it makes sense that my memory would paint over even some of those really happy, positive times with, you know, now that I know that it, their relationship ends in divorce, you know, it makes sense that my mind doesn't necessarily want me to focus on the fact that. It was good and it did feel right and it did work really well for a long period of time Because that means that if that could happen again, and I have no way to stop it I'm not in control and I think a lot of times having to recognize how little we are in control of Anything is really hard and that's where memory kind of comes in to try and paint this Picture as if we have control

Stephanie: 20:01

Well, exactly. And again, I mean, that's such a good segue just into this overall topic that we're talking about today, just about perspective and about how. You know, life events can come in and bring different things to your every day. And that as writers, you know, we choose how we want to use those or not use them, but also to Reframe them into useful tools for your own writing, as opposed to, oh, this is an inconvenience. This is getting in my way. I'm not getting things done the way I want to, but to say, oh, wow, you know, what can I glean from this experience that can actually enhance, you know, what I'm writing right now, or potentially it can enhance something, you know, down the road. So I think that as I, as we've talked about today. This matter of, you know, what lens are you using to approach your writing and to really think about it and say, Hey, like this experience may be, you know, somewhat inconveniencing me right now, but there is so much here that's actually gold. And that's how I'm feeling is like, there is so much gold in what I'm experiencing right now. for my novel that it's actually more exciting than it is anything else for my progress.

Elizabeth: 21:30

and sometimes you just have to write a lot of crap to get to the gold You know, like I was I was sharing that within the the memoir meeting today Because I didn't really start with a super defined core message And so I that's why I have so many stories that I've already cut and more than I need to cut but I do wonder if I wouldn't have gotten to the place, the perspective, you know, the understanding of my story that I have now, if I hadn't written those things down and just worked through them. So it's, yeah, it's, it's a little bit of that grace that we apply or need to apply to ourselves as writers to know that The times when you think you're struggling, you might not actually be the times where you see those small wins, there's usually months and months and months of work that are hidden underneath. And so they may look small from some perspectives, but recognize that it's actually a large culmination of so much work and so much effort. And then like you brought up the distractions, the times that you feel like you're getting pulled away. Those can all be important parts of the writing process. We are writers, and therefore, we are writing all the time, whether that's actually adding words to our word count, or that's just going out in the world and having a more open mind and open perspective. We're doing this all the time.

23:12

Thank you so much for tuning in to another episode of the Inspired Writer Collective podcast. We hope you found inspiration, insights, and connection to yourself as a writer. If you enjoyed this episode, please share, subscribe, and leave us a five star review. Remember, the power of storytelling lies within each of us, and by supporting one another, we can make a difference. We invite you to schedule a coffee chat with us on our website, www. inspiredwritercollective. com. Just like our style here on the podcast, our coffee chats are casual and a way to connect about your writing and discover if book coaching or joining our upcoming writing cohorts for memoir and contemporary romance writing are for you. You can also become a part of our community by connecting with us on social media. You can find us on Instagram and YouTube at Inspired Writer Collective, on TikTok at Inspired Writer LLC. Let's continue this writing journey together. You can find links in the show notes. Until next time, fellow writers, may your pens be mighty and your stories captivating. Happy writing!