Episode 63: If It Doesn't Fit, Don't Force It: Talking About Spice Levels in Your Novel

In this week's episode, we discuss the nuanced decision of how much “spice” or intimate content to include in your romance novel, memoir, or fiction with romantic elements. Stephanie shares her personal journey navigating this important choice in her own writing, breaking down the decision-making process into three key areas:

Your audience - Within your genre, what does your audience expect? How are you choosing to balance YA vs. Adult audience expectations and the spectrum from sweet romance to more mature content? 

Character development - How you can use intimate scenes to deepen character growth 

Your comfort zone - What are you most comfortable with? If you imagine yourself sitting on stage being interviewed about your novel, what is your comfort level? It's important to find your authentic voice within your genre.

We cover reading preferences and writing dilemmas, from deciding between YA and adult genres to considering “fade to black” techniques versus more explicit content and Elizabeth shares her experience determining appropriate intimacy levels in memoir writing. 

Perfect for romance writers, memoirists, and fiction authors wrestling with portraying relationships authentically while staying true to their vision and audience. #RomanceWriting #WritingAdvice #SpiceLevels #WritingTips #AuthorAdvice #CreativeWriting #MemoirWriting

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Transcript

Elizabeth: 0:00

Welcome back listeners to the Inspired Writer Collective podcast. We're so glad to have you join us today. This is actually a re-recording. We originally recorded this episode, uh, about a week or so ago, and when we got ready to post it this week, there was some weird echo thing going on, so. Instead of trying to back engineer all of it, we are simply rerecording it for you. Um, so it was a great conversation the first time and I'm sure it'll be another good conversation this time. It's coming on the heels of Marisol's episode since we ended up posting hers first. And this episode is gonna. Continue some of that conversation around spice and romance writing. But first I wanna start off by sharing a review that we got on Apple Podcast. This review comes from Kim Stewart, the host of Book Marketing Mania podcast, and she said, so happy to find Stephanie and Elizabeth's podcast for this new writer's heart. They cover it all. Goals, discipline, the craft and skill of getting your words on paper, plus tips to plow through your mindset roadblocks. Priceless. Thank you, Kim, for that. We really, really love connecting with our listeners, so I really appreciate anyone who is leaving us a review, whether you're just clicking the number of stars or you're leaving us some sort of context in your review. We also love connecting on social media. If you use the like text feature on Apple podcasts, there's no way for us to respond. But if you've, you know, DM us on social media, then we can have a whole conversation with you. And, um, so thank you Kim, for leaving us that kind review and I'll pass it over to Stephanie, my co-host to introduce today's topic.

Stephanie: 1:48

Hi listener. Welcome. Today we are going to be talking about making the decision around the level of spice that you wanna put in your romance novel or maybe in your memoir or. Women's fiction or whatever type of book you're writing where maybe there's a love interest and you're trying to make that decision. And I'm certainly wrestling with that in my own writing. So hopefully we can come to some clarity today. I. Uh, or give you some things to think about as you approach your writing. gonna frame it around three areas, uh, when thinking about making the decision for how much spice to put in. Uh, the first is thinking about your audience, then character development, and also just your comfort zone. A writer, where do you fall on the spectrum of level of spice? So starting off, uh, thinking about audience. I am in a place with my writing where I'm trying to decide do I wanna write ya or do I wanna write adult? Do I wanna do both? and certainly in terms of ya. My thought is definitely more sweet romance, slow burn. then when I think about, well, do I want to have it be more adult romance? You know, I wonder, do I wanna have it, you know, fade to black? Do I want to have a little bit more? I. Spice. Uh, I know in my own reading selections for myself, a little bit of spice makes it fun. Interesting. Um, I mean, I'm certainly not reading all the way to the end of the spectrum in terms of erotica level spice. Uh, probably somewhere in the middle. But definitely as an author and thinking about who am I writing for? Uh, there's definitely that consideration that comes in in terms of level of spice. And I know, Elizabeth, you were thinking about this as you've been going back through your memoir, and so I let you talk a little bit about where you are with, uh, thinking about that level of spice.

elizabeth_3_03-10-2025_150711: 4:07

Yeah, it was interesting when we first recorded this, you brought up the point of what is the norm in your genre, even, you know, so with romance, like you said, you, it's the whole gamut. But in other genres, there is sort of a, a standard, like most people picking up a memoir, unless it's a memoir about, say, a sex worker or there's like something really prevalent in the like title or the whole theme of the memoir that there's gonna be, there's like a sexual element, um. I I, my understanding of the genre and my own experience with reading the memoir genre is that if there is any mention of any sort of sexual relations, it's, it's light. So the example that came to mind for me was, um, the contrast between Cheryl Strait's Wild, where you suddenly get a more graphic sex scene and it. Is a little bit off putting or was for me as the reader, like it was just jarring from the context of her. Adventure and her drugs in her past. Um, it's just suddenly you get a more graphic sex scene. And then comparing that to Glennon Doyle's Untamed, where she does address the sexual dynamics within her, the two relationships that she features within that memoir, she talks about. That kind of the feeling of kind of laying there in the bed with her now ex-husband wishing it for it to be over kind of disassociating without providing any sort of graphic detail. We know the act is occurring. It's relevant to understanding how she felt in that relationship and with that dynamic. And then in her now marriage to Abby when she talks about that first kind of sexual encounter with Abby. We as the reader go with her, you know, on the airplane she's reading this book to try to learn what she needs to do.'cause she's never been with a woman before. And then she, you know, I think texts Abby, once she gets to the hotel and goes up to the room, opens the door, sees Abby standing across the room and then it's fade to black, right? And so we understand as the reader what is going to happen. We understand glennon's anticipation and. Then that's kind of the extent of what we're shown and, and we're left to just kind of sort of understand that, okay, this occurred but aren't given any sort of detail about it. And so that's certainly where I think the genre of memoir is. And so when I was originally unsure about what level to put, because I do tend to be very open, authentic, vulnerable, I wanna represent things accurately. Um. I get really like, I don't know, regimented with like, being honest. I just wanna be honest. And so I, I have struggled with what level to put. And then thinking through this discussion with you in our first recording of it, it was really an aha moment for me that yes, it. It needs to be alluded to because of the content that I am focusing around, there's dynamics like, um, a largely sexless relationship and open marriage, and then, um, a new relationship and why that's so different, especially in that realm. So it's, it's very relevant to the storyline. I can't just not say anything about it. Um, but the whole concept of that sort of fade to black or have the moment of the next day and you're reminiscing about it or referring to something that happened without putting the reader in that moment with you, that feels like what my reader is going to be expecting when they pick up a memoir.

Stephanie: 8:00

Well, and I think that that makes a lot of sense, and it's a great segue actually into our next area of focus for this conversation around character development. Because of course, as in a memoir, you're the character in your story. And then in fiction, you're creating the characters. And there's a lot that can be learned about the character is. With respect to intimate relationships and what you can learn from them. And so I think when you're determining the level of spice, it's a matter of, you know, who is the character. And like you said, for yourself in your own you know, you want to be open, real, and authentic. But then there's this piece of how much of it really needs to be told. And I think the same thing can apply to fiction is thinking about. Well, how much do I need to reveal about the, how intimate the characters are is it relevant to the development of the storyline? You know? So if you, if you have high, a high level of spice, does it fit? I. Within what you're trying to reveal about a character, about, you know, how they feel about themselves, how they feel about the other person, or does it make more sense because you of the way the story is that you don't need to reveal a lot in the intimate relationship because so much has already been developed in the context of the story that. You allow for the fade to black because it's like, okay, yes, they are intimate with each other, but I don't need to dive deep into that because it's not gonna add anything more to the story. So those are some things that, as I say, that I've been thinking about is, you know, what is the relevance of showing the intimacy between the characters? Um. in my writing, and again, this all circles back to where we started and thinking about the audience and what their expectations are, because certainly in the romance genre, like you mentioned in memoir. The, those who are reading in that genre have certain expectations. So if they go to the bookstore and they see, you know, like, oh, this one has High Spice, going to be expecting a certain experience when they're picking that book off the shelf. Whereas if it's more Sweet romance than. the experience they're seeking. And so, uh, sometimes I know that, you know, there are often criticisms of, you know, romance books. If a reader has a certain expectation for something happening more between the characters and they don't get that, they're like, wait a minute, this wasn't even worth reading. Um, so you wanna think about that balance?

Elizabeth: 11:00

Right. I mean, especially with the higher spice, there's also that expectation of it appearing sooner in the book and not having to wait till the end to get to that part and. And all of that too. So there's timing involved. And this topic around character development is honestly like where you and I came to the idea of even talking about this on the podcast.'cause we had an offline conversation about, you know, when you were struggling with or deciding back and forth what level of spice you wanted to write and, and the impact it might have on family members, on anything, anyone else who picks up your book and. That'll go into the next point with comfort zone. But we talked so much about how like certain aspects of that, because your characters get to be in such a like walls down vulnerable place, that there's a lot that could really be shown as far as like the showing versus telling aspect could really be shown in those. Private moments. And so if you choose not to have those, there is a little bit of a missed opportunity. Or, or, I mean, there may be o there's certainly always other ways to do it, but it's such a great way, you know, through, uh, an utterance or an admittance in the, while you're in the act of, you know, true feelings or, um, maybe something that one character misunderstood about the other character's intentions and. Just how telling that is about, um, when that person feels, you know, turned on or, or how that that happens. Whether, you know, the, the female character is an initiator or not, could tell you something about her just as a, as a whole, her character as a whole. And, um, there's so many great things that feed into that character development piece. And it was that conversation that, that we just had on our own that really made me think, oh well we should, we should talk about this a little bit more.'cause there's so much related to the characters that comes out in those more private, intimate moments.

Stephanie: 13:07

Well, and, and that also makes me think about how we've talked about the aspect of, um, an opportunity to educate about a healthy relationship between two people that There are often people who are reading books in particular genres because they want to experience something that maybe they're not experiencing their own life or they wanna, you know, have an adventure that they, know, normally wouldn't take themselves on. And so, I mean, there are different reasons for why someone picks up a book, but certainly, you know, with romance there's often. Uh, people who are seeking that sense of intimacy. And there are opportunities for showing what it can look like between characters and especially, uh, for, for young women who are figuring themselves out and, uh, fi and finding their way. Because oftentimes, as much as there's education out there in the world, it's not always. The right kind of education. And so, you know, certainly as an author, there's an opportunity provide an experience that is healthy and, know, give some education around what, what it should feel like and what you should be experiencing.

Elizabeth: 14:39

Right. That's what Marisol shared in last week's episode about how she, she likes to write about those healthy dynamics and she's also writing. Her leading men are always. The like, tough exterior guys. They're MMA fighters or they're in a bike gang or, um, rancher. Cowboys, you know, they've got that tough exterior. And so that's the almost the only way that anyone gets to see a softer side of them is in those, those scenes, right. Where finally letting their guard down because of this particular woman and their relationship. And that's kind of the. Storyliner beauty of the relationship is that it finally is a place where they're allowed to not put that like tough exterior shell up and actually reveal a little bit more about who they are, you know, on the inside. And so when you have a, a leading character like that where there really isn't, you know, a, a place otherwise, or there may be very. Goal oriented or business focused or whatever in their day-to-day life. But then you get a glimpse at how there are, when they're relaxed, where you might not otherwise have that opportunity to show those aspects of that character.

Stephanie: 15:58

Well, and I think this leads in very well to just your comfort zone as a writer your work as to where you want it to fall. And,

Elizabeth: 16:09

Mm-hmm.

Stephanie: 16:09

clearly, you know, in your. Talk with Marisol she has of the space where she's found that works for her with her romance books. And I think that that's true for a lot of other romance authors if you take the time to listen to them share about, you know, the level of spice that they determine for their books. And it does come down to. What you wanna achieve with your audience, and then how comfortable you are. Especially, I mean, I think about this'cause I know that for a while, for a while recently with, uh, the author Rebecca Yaros, who many know, uh, just released Onyx Storm, which is the third book in her series. There's apparently, you know, a fair level of spice in that. And there was a video that was circling where, you know, somebody asked her about it and she called out to her son who was in the audience about it. And, you know, it was kind of like, he was like, well, I don't know. You know, it's, it's a little. Odd to have my mom writing about those things, but at the same time, she does it very well. So, there are those pieces. And of course I think about that as I've talked about with you, you know, having teenage boys and, you know, knowing that they're, you know. Looking me up on YouTube channel and all those things. And then I think, okay, as I'm writing, my romance and I will be using a pen name, but at the same time, they're those pieces for me where I think about, well, what is my comfort level if I'm sitting in front of a room full of my fans and. know, we're talking about a particular scene or a particular way something is written. And so, um, you know, I, I find that I'm pretty comfortable, but then I don't know if I'm on stage do I, would, I feel different about, you know, how that comes across. But I think in the end it comes down to, you know, what? Is the message, what am I trying to bring about in my writing and does it advance the story? Does it advance the character development? Um, and if it doesn't, then, it shouldn't be there.

Elizabeth: 18:19

Mm-hmm.

Stephanie: 18:20

you know, I think if it doesn't advance the story in a positive way and it's just thrown in because you're like, oh, well it's clearly gonna sell a lot of books because people are gonna be like, oh, they're, you know, that's super spicy, so I'm gonna go grab that and, you know. Read it and, and stuff. But again, if it's, if it's not of any value to the story, then like we talked about, it does, it's not gonna, it's not gonna work.

Elizabeth: 18:47

Yeah, that's something that Tessa Bailey talks about in a, um, I saw an interview through our library that I was able to gain access to, and she talks, she's known for having like higher spice. Um. And, and again, like even certain authors have reader expectations because as they write more and more. Romance books as they, as they have a backlist, there is a certain level of spice that your readers come to anticipate from you. And Tessa Bailey is one where her readers do expect and understand that there's gonna be a good bit of spice. It's not that she's gonna have a lot of. Scenes, I think it, the one I've read of her has maybe had like three or four intimate moments. But the, the things that the characters engaged in, in those moments would, is what increases the spice. That the ways that they vocalized their appreciation for one another increase the spice, you know, would make it more, more of those chili peppers on the, the icons. Um, but she made a point to say in that interview. About, you know, how hard is it to write these scenes or, or anything like that. And she says, well, I really do enjoy writing them, but I'm always looking at it as, you know, an opportunity to further the plot. I'm looking at what kind of things I can have one of my characters do or say that clues the other character into the fact that, you know. This person is, is actually really into them or has some vision for a future together, or there's been some, clears up, some misunderstanding. It's, it's always to further the development of the plot. There is always something happening within that scene that is relevant to move the story forward. If you cut out that scene, you would lose a key part of the story. And so that is something that even though she goes more on towards the higher spice level, she is still writing with intention in those scenes.

Stephanie: 20:50

Well, and I think the fact that, you know, as we've brought up authors throughout this conversation, that it really points to. A, as a writer and author yourself, listener, to think about, you know, who are the, you know, authors that you admire that are comparable to yours Read some of those books and do some research on, you know, what are current market trends around, uh, you know, the genre. And especially, you know, as I say, you know, I'm looking within romance and trying to determine, you know, well, well who are the authors that, that I would, you know, compare myself to and what is it that, you know, those readers are expecting? And so doing a little deep dive into. Some of the kind of behind the scenes of the process I think is important with this. But overall, I mean, I really think the first place I started is just about does it fit in the story? if it does fit in the story, how does it fit? Does you know, is it come across better with, you know, more detail, less detail? Um. All of those pieces that we've talked about today.

Elizabeth: 22:14

For sure. There's definitely ways that you can make it, regardless of what level you choose, you can make it, you know, do something in the plot. You can make it, you know, enhance your character development. I think the big. Of the three things that categories that we've talked about, it's that audience expectations, especially in regards to your genre, and then it's your comfort zone. If it doesn't fit, don't force it. You know? So that, I think that's ultimately, like those two pieces are what it comes down to. Even if you have a higher comfort level, but it's not appropriate for your genre, which is I think where I would probably fall, you know? Or if it is appropriate for your genre. And you are comfortable with it, you know, then you gotta stick with what you're comfortable with. You ultimately kind of go to the lower, the lower threshold of those, those two, um, considerations.

Stephanie: 23:09

And listener, when you're thinking about your characters in the show notes below, you'll find a link to our coffee chat with characters resource that you can use, that can help you, uh, with some prompts to think about your characters, who they are. How they would respond to different scenarios that you put them in. So if you're looking for a way to jumpstart your writing and jumpstart thinking about your characters, this is a fabulous resource. It's free Link is in the show notes, and thank you for listening and happy writing.