Episode 78: 3 Things That Stop You From Writing Your Memoir

It’s memoir season here at the Inspired Writer Collective! 

Enrollment for our Memoir Master Plan Cohort led by Elizabeth Wilson is now open!

The 6-week memoir program for women runs from September 5 through October 17 and comes packed with valuable content and resources to start you off on the right foot or get you back on track with your memoir writing! And new nuggets of wisdom are added every time - this will be Round 3!

Click here to learn more.

In this week’s episode, we discuss three things that could be getting in the way of you realizing your dream of writing your memoir.

Are you thinking you’ll write it “some day” and you keep pushing it aside because you’re going through the motions of life?

Do you worry you don’t have what it takes to write your story?

The truth is, you have the time and everything you need to write your story.

It’s so common as writers to let the little things get in the way.

Self-doubt is the feeling that sneaks up on you all the time.

But, when you connect with a community of writers you’ll discover you’re not alone.

Joining a group memoir writing program, like the Memoir Master Plan cohort, you’ll find the support, guidance, and connection you need to write the story you’re meant to tell.

When you listen to today’s podcast, you’ll find yourself reflecting on whether any of the 3 blocks we share are true for you.

Towards the end, Elizabeth shares a list of 12 reasons you’ll connect with about why you’re deciding to write a memoir from the book Deep Memoir by Jennifer Leigh Selig, Ph.D. 

If you are curious about 5 additional blocks holding you back from writing your memoir, get the PDF here.

Writing prompt from this week’s episode: 

Make a list of internal and external transitions you’ve experienced in your life. (growing older, body changes, significant life events, etc.)

Join our Embodied Writing Experience where you’ll get a writer’s retreat directly to your inbox on Mondays, Tuesdays, and Thursdays each week. Whether you’re working on a memoir, a novel, or journaling for yourself, this is an invitation to slow down, tune in, and write with embodied intention.

Enrollment is OPEN for the Memoir Master Plan cohort here.

If you prefer video versions of the podcast, you can find all of them on our YouTube channel.

Transcript

Elizabeth: 0:03

Welcome to the Inspired Writer Collective podcast. If you've ever felt the pull to write your truth, to shape the chaos of real life into something meaningful and to share your journey with the world, you're in the right place. We're your hosts, Elizabeth and Stephanie, writers, coaches, and entrepreneurs who believe in you and know how important it is to find a writing community to guide you on your path to self-publishing. We believe your voice holds power. Telling your story isn't just a personal act of healing or reflection. It's a gift to the world. Pulling the skeletons out of the closet is challenging unless you're writing a memoir. Then it's called chapter one. Okay. Each week we explore the art, heart, and craft of connecting personal narrative to your writing, whether that be memoir or fiction. Whether you're drafting your first chapter, wrestling with a messy middle, or searching for the courage to hit publish, we are honored to be your companions on the journey the world needs Your voice. Memoir is the art of pulling out old skeletons and realizing they were just unspoken chapters of your story.

Stephanie: 1:15

Hello, listener and welcome back to the Inspired Writer Collective. We're so glad you're here with us today. We have an exciting episode as we launch into our next season, and very exciting offering coming up for you this fall. But today the focus is. Really on memoir, with an upcoming memoir cohort. Uh, so I'm gonna turn it over to Elizabeth who's gonna talk with us about three things that stop you from writing memoir.

Elizabeth: 1:51

Thank you, Stephanie. Yes. This is in my mind memoir season, at least for the next few months. I've got the memoir master plan cohort. That enrollment will open on August 1st. And that program will run for six weeks in September and October. This is a women small group program for defining your core message and creating a detailed outline so you can walk away knowing what story you are trying to write and how to use that writing time effectively. So you're writing stories that belong in your memoir, but. There are things that I see over and over again that hold people back from starting the process or getting stuck in the writing process. And so that's what we're gonna be talking to about today. We're gonna be talking about three things that keep you from writing your memoir and also. At the end of this episode, we'll talk about a special PDF download for five additional blocks to writing your memoir so you can get that download to get five additional ones that we don't discuss in the podcast episode today. So I was talking to a mom friend of mine just the other day at The Little Lakefront. We were there playing with our kids and I was, she was asking me about updates on my memoir writing process. She's on my author newsletter, so she's fairly up to date with where I am and the editing. And I asked her about her desires to write a memoir and she said she was, would be so excited to join the program. Someday. And that's, um, a message that I've heard over and over again that people have this strong desire to share their stories, but. It becomes a someday day activity. And sometimes that's because life is busy, right? She's got three young kids, so I understand where she's talking about with the someday. But the thing is, with someday the question, the follow-up question then for me is, well, when is that going to be? And there's no reason why you can't go ahead and. Define what you want to write your memoir about and start that outlining process before the actual timeframe comes that you have to sit down and write. The thing is you actually need those things ahead of the time that you sit down to write. And having the accountability that's built into a group structured program is so valuable in helping you realize that it doesn't have to be someday, it can be today. The other thing that I've experienced, and I have talked to plenty of other memoir writers that have experienced this as well, is that we are at the mercy of our perspective shifts When we think, when we put off our writing and we say we're gonna do it someday, or you start the project and then put it away. I experienced this in my own memoir writing. I've talked about it before on previous episodes. But in the course of writing my first draft and, and having it reviewed by an editor and getting some feedback, I paused on my writing, and then that summer I got divorced. And that created a number of perspective shifts in the way that I viewed past experiences because of how memory works and because of the way we filter our memory through our beliefs and our perspective. It meant I had to write almost a completely different memoir. So because I, I put it down and I waited for that someday, then I was at the mercy of those perspective shifts. So now I am full steam ahead trying to get my own memoir done and completed before another perspective shift comes my way. So that's number one. You're waiting for some day. Another major reason that will keep you from writing your memoir is trying to figure out, trying to put too much in to a single memoir, feeling like your life hasn't been big enough or complete enough, or you don't have anything worth writing about yet. There's a common misconception that you need to be an old woman with a whole, you know? 70 years of life experience to write a memoir, but that is simply not true. One of the books that I am so excited to be including in the memoir Master Plan Cohort Material is Deep Memoir by Jennifer Sellick. This is a phenomenal book about writing memoir and in it. She talks about how the major archetypal theme of memoir is transition and how an individual deals with transitions. So if you've been through any transition in your life, then. You have the potential for a story that could be the whole basis for a memoir, and you don't have to fit it all in one memoir. You can write multiple memoirs. Look at bestselling author, Glennon Doyle. All of her books are memoirs, and she continues to churn out more and more and more because she's gone through different transitions. Um, there's a writing activity you can do if you wanna explore some of these transitions, and that's making a list of. The external and internal transitions that you've gone through in life. These may be related to age, like coming of age, um, growing older. This could be body changes. There's such a need for conversation and examples of women who have gone through, um, perimenopause, menopause, or fertility issues or. Um, eating disorders, any of those could be related to body changes. Um, accidents that you've been in, illnesses you've had. Times that you've had to relocate. That's certainly a theme of transition that I have within my memoir. A lot of moving and having to find new community because of those moves vocations, which sometimes come with relocations relationships. And then of course the travel memoirs, the the way that going to a different place has impacted you. And so any of that is wonderful, beautiful. Composted material for you to build your memoir around. So if you doubt that you have a story to tell, I challenge you to do that quick writing exercise, that quick brainstorming to see if you have gone through some sort of transition or change that is actually would be a foundational piece for your memoir. Theme, topic, or core message.

Stephanie: 8:41

I'm gonna just jump in here really quick and comment that one of the things that I think is really powerful to think about. Focusing on a particular event in life is that some of the most powerful stories we read are very much time bound, that they're within a particular timeframe. Maybe it's a week of your life, maybe it's a month, maybe it's a year. Because I feel that in the human experience, we can all connect with those very time-bound experiences that also impact future decisions. Allow us to reflect on life, and so to think about that. And the idea that you can write multiple memoirs based on different experiences, I love that because you don't wanna try to put everything in because then you're gonna lose your reader. Whereas if you really focus on a particular experience or event, uh, much like Cheryl Strait and Wild, where it was her hike, and so that's a very time bound specific experience. Those are, those are important things to think about.

Elizabeth: 9:49

Yeah, Stephanie, I'm so glad you said that because that's reminding me too about that aspect, which leads into the number three. Thing. Um, that transitions a lot of times when they happen, we are in a whirlwind sort of place. We're not able to really process in the moment what's happening. It's only from looking back in hindsight that we can really glean the nuggets in the GS from that experience and unpack it. And so that is number three, that someone is scared of what? Writing memoir will bring up for them. And it is true that there's a lot of heavy things that you may be processing and writing about as you write about these moments of transition. All of this change comes with feelings of turmoil, uncertainty, fear. Anger sometimes and, and it can be really hard to, to dig into those one. That's the reason why I've built this cohort as a group program because we support each other through that emotional unpacking and create space for one another. But also there's just so much to be gained for those who are willing to go to that place. For those who are willing to look back at that whirlwind time, at that moment of uncertainty as the ground is shaking underneath them and they don't know what's happening. And using the benefit of hindsight to have a new appreciation for the struggles that they've endured, the challenges that they've overcome, and the ways in which they've grown as a person because of it. The reason why so many memoirs revolve around transition and, and change is because it is a universal concept and your reader is going to very much relate to even just the emotional impacts of going through a massive change in your life or dealing with a difficult journey or illness or, um, move whatever that looks like. And it is the universality of the emotional challenges of it that make your memoir so readable and so desirable and so beneficial to the ultimate reader. There's so much. Go ahead, Stephanie.

Stephanie: 12:24

Going back to what you were saying about the benefits of being part of the group program, and I think one of the benefits of being part of this memoir master plan cohort is that you're not writing this alone. You're not writing your story alone. Because I think when we. Try to write things that are very personal and we're alone and we feel like, oh, nobody's gonna wanna hear this, or nobody's gonna wanna listen to my story.

Elizabeth: 12:52

Mm-hmm.

Stephanie: 12:53

that there are people who are gonna connect with your story, and that's the power of being part of a group is that you, is that you're, it's reflected back to you that. Your story has value and purpose and that it's going to impact someone. And if you're someone who's maybe feeling nervous that, oh, but my story is like so personal and I'm not sure about a group, you know, I'd rather have one-on-one. No, that you'll gain so much from watching other writers in the group along with yourself, and you'll learn. Gain so much for your own craft and experience from that. And so I know that so often you wanna think, oh, well, you know, I just want the one-on-one attention. But group programs. Especially with writers, and Elizabeth and I have found this just even for ourselves, that we've gained so much for pushing our own writing forward by being, putting ourself in spaces with other writers and allowing for that. Uh, per, you know, allowing for that sort of guarded shield to come down, brings so much out that you may not even know is even in you. that's one of the powers of this program.

Elizabeth: 14:17

Yeah, we're so quick to self-critique, right? And. This is a space where you get to explore. This is the foundational work of writing the memoir. You're not actually starting to put those stories to the page yet. What you're doing is you're defining what are those transitions that you've experienced. Do you have a takeaway or something you wanna share with your reader about what, what change that you went through? Do you want to take a reader on a journey with, and there's a lot of reasons people write memoir. There's actually 12 reasons that Jennifer Selig list lists in her book, deep Memoir, and only three of these reasons have anything to do with actually publishing and sharing your story. The other nine are purely about what you gain from the experience of looking back and. Uh, like I said, finding those gems out of those transitions, applying meaning to the struggles that you've gone through. So the 12 reasons she lists are the following, one, money, fame, acclaim, and credentials. Sure, some people start there. Most people don't. End there. Two, hunger to discover meaning. Three, discover hidden narrative of the past. So much of the time, we have our own narrative about how we experience something, but in, in going back to those places and reliving those moments in a way that allows the reader to join you, that puts those words to a page, it can really help you see. The fallacy in your own understanding at the time, now that you have the benefit of hindsight. Number four, normalizing our lives. Five. ReSTOR our lives. Again, that is similar to the narratives of the past. Six. Unburden ourselves of our secrets. There's so much shame that gets wrapped around the secrets that we hold. And it is that shame that can keep us. From forgiving ourselves, forgiving others from moving forward and letting go of those things that have held us back in the past. And that's one of the things that I specifically dig into in the cohort is ways to help people ease into sharing their secrets. We don't go full in to putting it out in the book in its full form and let the, you know. World judges, they may, there's a process to it that allows you to sort of wade into it. It's dipping your toe in and getting acclimated to that, and then going a little bit deeper and a little bit deeper so that until you reach a point where this is the level where that you're comfortable sharing. Um, I think we're on number seven. Liberate ourselves from our past eight preservation or memorialization. So many of us want to be able to share our stories with even just our kids, our family. Um, for me, my daughter is too young for me to tell her some of these stories at this point, but I hope that one day she will be able to read my memoir and understand the basis for some of the choices that I've made that have had a serious impact on her life. Nine, discover or explore the thread or pattern of our lives. I was so, um, confronted, I think is the right word, by the patterns that I saw as I tried to piece together a number of different events that happened. Throughout, um, a couple of years of my life and I saw these really unhealthy patterns and I saw myself repeating this whole people pleasing, trying to mold and be what everyone else wanted me to be, only to be. In some ways abandoned by them and left kind of wondering, who am I under all of this and which part is me? Oh, well, none of it was because I left me at the door. I didn't allow them to ever experience me because then the rejection that I might ultimately feel would be a rejection of me. Whereas if I didn't have to show up as really me, then I didn't have to feel like they were, that rejection was personal. So it was only in going through this process of writing memoir and exploring these stories that I was able to see that pattern for myself and challenge myself to show up differently going forward in my life. And it has had a phenomenal impact on my personal development and my growth as an individual. Number 10, tell your own story rather than letting family, culture or the world tell us who we are. You know, I think this is a big one right now with so many toxic narratives around, around so many groups of people, so many cultures, so many. Beliefs that if you are not willing to accept what the world is saying you are, then I empower you to write your story so that you can tell the world who you are. 11, resist invisibility. Tell the stories that mainstream culture is not telling. And then 12, move into art for the reader's sake to make a difference in other people's lives. So ultimately that's where the memoirist, who wants to publish their book lands. That's certainly, um, the journey I went through. I didn't resonate super strongly with wanting to share my message for the reader's sake until about, uh, a year into my writing process. It took time to get there, and that's perfectly okay because you actually wanna start by writing the stories for you. That's how you tap into the emotions of the moment. That's how you get the grittiest, truest, most vulnerable story onto the page is by writing it for you. And then, yes, it will ultimately have the benefit to the reader and their journey and understanding the ways that you wrestled with those changes in transitions that you cover in your memoir. They can then apply to their own life and experience, but it doesn't often start there. It often starts with one of these other nine points about the rewriting the narrative, unburdening our secrets, telling our own story in our own, in our own way. That's usually what the impetus for someone wanting to get started. I also have, like I mentioned, a PDF of five major blocks to writing your memoir. These are five additional blocks that people really struggle with, like the judgment of family members or how much to di disclose about their past or their traumatic experience that PDF download is free. Use the link in the show notes in order to get that right away to your email, and if you find. That something I've said today has really struck you. If you feel like someday is actually next week, then I invite you to. Join our wait list for the memoir Master Plan cohort. Like I said, we are opening enrollment in August. This next round, we'll run in September and October, but we also run these programs several times throughout the year. So if you're watching this episode. Not on its release day. Please know we always have our running wait list so that you can receive first access, early access to the next opening of this program. It has been so fundamental in helping women craft their message and create. A cohesive outline that shows the proper character development, the narrative arc. That stuff doesn't come naturally for us as memoirs. We simply have a story that's on our hearts, so you need some guidance to shape it into a cohesive plot, and there's no shame in that at all. I took my own memoir through the first iteration of this program. And that's when I realized that my timeline was a bit off, that I needed to cut a bunch of the early stories that my inciting incident was actually happening too late in the book. So the pacing was off for my future reader. So it doesn't matter what step of the writing process you're in for your memoir, there is something to glean. From this program for you in order to improve your writing experience and your future reader's experience of your memoir, while it is designed to put you, uh, with the best foot forward for those who are just starting the process. It is not limited to those who are starting from a blank slate. If you already have an idea of theme or if you've written some stories or you know of at least a couple of moments that you want to capture in your memoir, but aren't sure how to plug it in with the rest or create an overarching theme or core message. That's what this program covers and that's what my promise to any participant in this program is. The beauty of this program too, is that you get to come back. I don't just, you know, sit with you for six weeks and then send you on your merry way. I have one participant who will be participating in all three rounds that I've offered. She's done the first two rounds and she's coming back for a third. And she's a busy mom who hasn't had the time to sit down and actually start writing very many of the stories, but she is developing that core message that's gonna resonate with her readers. She is creating that character development that's gonna create a strong attachment between her and her reader and. She gets to come back anytime. She wants to make any tweaks and updates, and I'm always adding new material to the program. So if any of that sounds like the stick next step that you're ready for, whether it's downloading that five block PDF, or getting on the list for the upcoming master plan cohort, then please use the links in our show notes. Or just shoot us an email. I'm happy to answer any of your questions directly that you may have about the details of the program. We will have course description and everything in the links. Um, but I'm very much an open book when it comes to. This program and what it offers. And I'm so excited because we do have a number of eager memoir writers that have already told me that they're joining this next round, and I can't wait to just create and cultivate that small group intimate space again where we can all hold our stories and navigate the emotions of sharing our stories with our future readers.

Stephanie: 26:01

Listener, you don't wanna miss the. Opportunity to be part of a small group that will nurture your creative process. And I will say I've been a part of one of the rounds of the course, and even though I'm working on fiction, it still has impacted me and I'll be joining this cohort. To help coach alongside Elizabeth, for those of you who joined. So that's an added bonus to this opportunity is you get Elizabeth's incredible expertise in memoir, and then I have my angle and perspective that can help bring you along the journey. So again. Check it out in our show notes, the download for the five blocks, and we really hope to connect with you. We'd love to invite you to connect with us by joining our Embodied Writing experience, where you'll get a writer's retreat directly to your inbox on Mondays, Tuesdays and Thursdays Each week, it's an opportunity to move beyond what's on your mind and into the full body experience of creativity and crafting the story you're meant to tell. We're so excited to offer you this opportunity for breathing life into your work, help you feel grounded, and write stories that are deeply personal. Whether you're working on a memoir, a novel, or journaling for yourself, this is an invitation to slow down, tune in, and write with embodied intention. Check out the link in the show notes to join our embodied writing experience today.